Goodbye, Mr. Chip!

  There comes a time in every overworked, undermassaged, round around the edges super soccer mom's life when, standing in front of your cluttered bathroom sink, you manage to wipe just enough leftover mascara off of your face so that you can see yourself in the mirror.
  OUCH!!!! What happened here? Who shimmied into this Looney Bin and injected all of this fat onto my thighs? How did I get from the slim fit jeans to those relaxed fit ones? What is this mass beneath my chin? My first chin?
  It's no secret. I recently turned the big FOUR-O! And yes, I am still accepting calls from well-wishers, as well as: spa certificates, cards, movie passes, celebratory lunches, cookbooks, upgrades to my ADT system so as to keep all felons and criminal mice at bay. And not to be cliche, as if it's New Year's and time for that string of resolutions that just won't see Groundhog Day .... but - it's a milestone in my life and I have been taking stock of things. I have resolved to do/try/see/experience forty things that I have not done before (or haven't done well ... or in while). Create a blog: check! Try yoga: check! (Painful). One biggy is to get back into shape -- longterm, healthy shape. And in order to do this successfully, I recently came to the realization that I would have to purge, big time purge - painful, separation anxiety purge in several areas of my life, namely the food area.

FOOD PURGE: Have you ever seen the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces?" Barbra Streisand's character is a habitual snacker, the type who hides treats all over her house so that she can easily grab something when she needs a fix. Now I am not this bad. However, I have been known to use all but a small handful of chocolate chips for a cookie recipe ... then place the others a a safe place in the event that I need some chocolate for coping or medicinal reasons. Additionally, I am not above buying a box of Cheese Nips, letting my son have some for snack, and then taking them to my bedroom while I am 'cleaning' ............... ??????? Other ole' reliables include the occasional handful of walnuts -- not bad untiil you add the can of coke that is used to help get them down.
  What a huge task ahead of me! And so it began. I set the purge into motion. In the pantry, I quickly discovered not one, not two, but three boxes of very stale honey grahams. I have long thought that by buying these somewhat tasty but not really fun crackers that I would take care of two needs at once (sweet and crunchy) without buying what I really wanted ... a lifetime supply of peanut M& M's.
  So out they went. Too stale even for the migrating geese in our back yard, who my father-in-law says don't really migrate anymore ............ ???????
  Next, I found my chocolate chip stash. Seven bags of small handfuls, enough to make a cookie recipe and start a new stash! I put them aside, all the while hearing my husband's voice, "When is the best time to do something?" This, for me, would be like separating the Pope from the Vatican. I had to put this on hold. 
  Ah ha! FRIDGE PURGE:  This would be easy. We had just been through a weekend where our power was off for almost twelve hours, so the fridge and freezer were pretty much empty. But in one corner, tucked away and almost screaming "DON'T WASTE ME" was a Tupperware container of homemade caramel frosting. Why this was saved and not placed on the cake with the rest of the recipe is beyond me. After trying to rationalize the nutritional and medicinal value of this sugary triumph, I tossed the contents into the trash, then ran some soapy water over the container, but not until I scraped the sides. What? That would have been like pouring glue in my disposal. 
  During the fridge purge, a great friend called to wish me Happy Birthday and invite me out for birthday lunch. When I told her what I was doing, she began offering advice on all things healthy: food, exercise, nutrition, skincare. AS IF! I would never take advice from someone so thin and sickeningly gorgeous whose photo appears next to the definition of twiggy in the dictionary. I certainly think not!
  My conversation with Toothpick led me right to the chocolate chips that I had tabled earlier in the project. There. That was easy. I was able to reduce my stash by half. The glass was now half empty! 
  CABLE PURGE: I had been in front of the TV entirely too much lately and had saved several TV sections from the newspapers. I had to take action. I collected all of the remotes, even those highly prized by my husband, wiped each one off, put them all back in the remote holding area, and tossed the TV sections in the trash. Cable purge complete.
  PURGE, ETC: Not really a purge, but a call to action. I resumed workouts at Hourglass, which by the way, is an awesome place to work out. I also initiated afternoon walks with my son. This made him happy and has made me a little happier when I look in the mirror.
  Two days after the initial purge, I returned to the pantry to get something for dinner. There they were. The remaining bags of chocolate chips. They were not hurting anyone. Just sitting there with smiles on their little faces, delighted to see me. With determination on my part that amazed even me, I picked up each bag and tossed them, one by one, into the trash. I felt as if I was ditching an old friend ...just tossing him by the way side. But, when I thought about my way (big) side, I knew this was the right decision. Ah, Mr. Chip, my dear ole' buddy. We've been through a lot together. I could almost hear Kenny Rogers .... "Through the years............"
  Later that evening, Toothpick called to change our lunch plan to a luncheon date at her thin  house. She was beside herself! Pleased as punch! She had created a menu that would celebrate my decision to reintroduce healthy eating and exercise to my life. She had discovered a recipe for something that she promised would be the end-all, be-all snack, the George Clooney of snacks! The creme de la creme!
 So I drove to Toothpick Lane, lunched with Toothpick, and unwrapped my birthday present, a box full of this must-have snack.
  Goodbye, Mr. Chip.
  Ola Senor Jalapeno Rice Cake.